When ‘Just do It’ Just isn’t enough: navigating task paralysis and the perpetuating guilt-ridden shame spirals
How many times have you found yourself sitting there, perhaps even knowing exactly what you need to be getting on with, but feel absolutely frozen and completely unable to start?
Oh, you lost count because it happens so often? Well, you most certainly aren’t alone, I’ve been there! So have countless numbers of neurodivergent people I’ve supported throughout the years.
It’s called task paralysis, and it sucks. The good news is that we can overcome it.
In this blog article, I’m going to talk about what task paralysis is, why it can create such a painful cycle of shame & guilt and how to break free from it.
Task paralysis is way more common than you’d think, particularly if you’re neurodivergent. It describes the inability to start tasks, regardless of how urgent and/or important they are. This phenomenon can then go on to create intense feelings of guilt, shame and a cycle that feels equally impossible to overcome.
Before we go any further, for any of the skeptics out there, this DOES NOT make a person ‘lazy’. Using that weaponised phrase will only ADD to the shame and guilt.
What actually is task paralysis then?
Task paralysis happens when an individual feels overwhelmed by the demands, which can lead to an inability to start or continue working.
Again I will repeat, this IS NOT laziness or procrastination, it is a genuine, real and often painful struggle to engage with the task/demand at hand.
It’s also often accompanied by anxiety, stress, frustration, dysregulation and a sense of being ‘stuck’.
Where does the guilt and shame factor in?
The cycle usually begins with the pressure to complete a task, irrespective of whether this task is externally imposed (such as a work task from your boss) or a self-generated task (such as housework or a personal hygiene need).
With the pressure on, we hit the highways of overwhelm pretty quick as we start panicking or stressing about the task’s perceived difficulty, importance and/or complexity. For me personally, I can also find the potential energy/focus demand will contribute to this too.
We have now effectively created a metaphorical pressure cooker of overwhelm and expectation, which ultimately leads to paralysis.
Now that we’re stewing in the pressure cooker of paralysis, what better way to season the experience than with an unhealthy dose of guilt and shame eh?! Time is passing but progress is not, so we start experiencing intrusive thoughts like “I should be doing better”, “why can’t I start a simple task”. These thoughts start evolving into shame-based ones such as “I’m a lazy, incompetent failure of a human”, “I’m broken”.
Before I go any further, I want to clarify a couple of things. The definition of ‘guilt’ is the fact of having committed a specified or implied offence or crime, according to Oxford languages. I.e. we have to have done something wrong to feel guilt in its authentic definition.
Getting overwhelmed and consequently stuck is NOT an offence. Understanding this allows you to forgive yourself rather than fuel the fires of shame. As Brene Brown’s research defines, “...shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging…”.
The guilt-shame cycle intensifies when you internalise these negative thoughts as correct assumptions about yourself. So, rather than reducing the overwhelm, you’re actually increasing it and making it even harder to start or resume the task at hand.
Why neurodivergent individuals may be more susceptible to the cycle.
Being neurodivergent means you have inherently different ways of processing and experiencing information and emotions. Some of these can include:
Challenges with executive functioning. These are the ‘adulty’ parts of your brain that help you do important things like regulate emotions, think flexibly, plan and prioritise etc. When these functions diverge from standard expectations, we see differences in how we can do things like start a task in comparison to our ‘neurotypical’ peers.
Perfectionism. Many neurodivergent individuals struggle with perfectionism, which is a whole blog post in itself but to keep it short here, inherently makes it harder to start tasks for fear of not doing them ‘right’ or getting it ‘perfect’ first time.
Sensory processing differences. When we are overstimulated, we are less likely to have the capacity to start, do and complete tasks.
Time perception differences. Neurodivergent people perceive time differently to the ‘standard’ linear fashion. This can sometimes make tasks seem more daunting or even create difficulties with estimating how long they will actually take.
Hypersensitivity. Neurodivergent people can experience things like emotions more intensely due to the unique ways in which our systems diverge, which can make all emotions feel super intense, even the less enjoyable ones like shame.
How can we break the cycle?
Hopefully by now you’ve been able to recognise that task paralysis and it’s subsequent descent into shame city is a real, genuine challenge and not a purposeful personal failing.
If so, wonderful! You’ve just taken the first step towards breaking the cycle. If not, go back and read the content above again.
Let’s wrap this blog up with exploring some strategies that might help you continue to break the cycle:
Self-compassion. I can’t stress enough how important it is to practice being kinder to yourself. If you’re not used to doing this, it’s probably going to feel uncomfortable and weird at first, but stick with it. It’ll help alleviate the intensity of shame.
Chunking. Break the tasks down. You’ve probably heard this one before so I won’t go into it in depth, if you’re struggling because the thing feels too big/complex etc, try chunking it down into smaller steps and keep doing so until you’ve got something that feels doable. You could also try using software to assist you with this, goblin tools for example has a fab magic to-do that can help you chunk things down & estimate how long something will take.
Body doubling. This is a personal fave of mine for those tedious tasks you’d rather avoid like the plague. Work alongside someone else to help you stay accountable to the task and enjoy a little company whilst you do it. There are apps out there, you could ask a friend or even consider my membership option with a variety of body doubling options included!
Dopamine hit first. If there’s simply nothing in the energy bank, you’ve gotta make a deposit first before you can make a withdrawl! Try and give yourself a little dopamine boost by doing something enjoyable to you before returning to the task at hand to see if that helps. Struggling for ideas? Why not create a personal list of dopamine friendly ideas that you can refer back to at moments like these.
Meet your needs. Similar to the dopamine hit suggestion, be sure to check in with your needs. It’s easy to forget about these, so sometimes doing something like grabbing a cuppa or a quick snack is exactly what you need to get started on the rest.
Accommodations. Figure out the tools and strategies that will help you work with your brain rather than against it. Coaching can be a fantastic space to work out these solutions.
To bring this blog to a close, I want to summarise by consolidating that task paralysis is absolutely NOT you being a failing human. It’s a genuine struggle that many of us face. With a better understanding, compassion practices in place alongside strategies to manage this effectively, it is possible to shift the shame and end the perpetual guilt cycle around task paralysis!
With very best & brightest love,
Beth